A Day in a Vegan’s Life

Based on Brandenburger Tor (Norway 1990)

I’ve been raised up as a vegan
Eating seeds and leaves like the common finch
Time has come and I made a decision:
Gonna find me patties to singe

Grilling never seemed hard, until I’ve burnt the house…
I’ll, instead, (Bad choice…) leave it to the pros!

I go to the local burger store
How come have I not been here before?
Beef, sauce, two buns, french fries, and some mol-
-ten cheese! That’s a taste of gold
I love life as a carnivore!

I make up for the tofu
Eating all the meat I’m eating today
Though I think I have gotten a mild flu,
I’m still gobbling up my spiced prey

Suddenly I hear shouts: ‘Sanitarians! Watch out!’
‘They want (They have…) to take the boss to court!’

Health inspectors walk now through the door
While the diners spit their food and go
All but one, who chews his burger joy-
-fully! That’s me, as you know

I feel sick now – I’ve been told
What those scums (Who knew…) put in their burgers… *faints*

(You are lying lifeless on the floor)

I’m okay now – yellow, pale, but sure:
From now on, I’m telling burgers “no!”
Done with meat forevermore!!!

(You, poor boy, we’ve tried so bad to warn)

You were right, and I was, sadly, wrong
Now, please help me, I am very sor-
-ry, girls! You won’t be ignored

(Try and buy our vegan burger, boy)

Buns from whole wheat, and low sodium soy
Roasted eggplant! Tastier than raw
That’s great! How much does it cost?

*(Showing the number with the fingers)*

Five pounds?! You… Vegan burger whores!!!