My Coke is Flat

Based on Lako je sve (Croatia 2010)

My Coke, my Coke, is flat
How did it come to that?
Have I left it open?
Was the cap seal broken?
Such neglect is ought to
Be examined now

My Coke, my Coke, is flat
How will my body hydrate?
I just cannot drink this
It tastes worse than cat piss
Not that I have had some
But you get me, right?

It’s amazing how a tiny bit of carbon
Bound with oxygen and tightly pressurised
Can turn brownish goo that reeks and tastes like poison
Into delectable, delightful drenching yum

My Coke, my Coke, is flat
Those lipstick prints might help understand
Who sipped from my soft drink
Sent it to forensic
They’ve confirmed the suspect
It’s a match, it’s her…

Treadmill hog bitch from gym
Not surprised she’s not slim
With how much drink she steals
But that bully
Is now surely
On her way to meet her deserved revenge, that
That vicious thieving cow

Waiting on my dresser
Bait for the Coke Snatcher
Bottle rim is spread full
With chlamydia

A Coke, a Coke, is shared