Based on Luxembourg 1990
Life’s taken a gloomy detour
Down on my luck, single and poor
Always is a struggle when you’re
Renting a flat, in Luxembourg
Thought that they would furnish the flat
Bedroom was bare, kitchen was crap
I can see
To solve this without taking a loan
I’ll be forced to purchase a well-known
Kopardal, Hemnes, Askvoll
Can it fix to the wall?
‘Cause in truth I just want it all
King size instead?
It would give me much more space
For orgies with the gays
Six of us could lie there lengthways
Find me my bed
In this blue shed
Vast choice catches me unaware
Quickly seduced, by an armchair
Add wall pockets by Pysslingar
How will it fit in my small car?
Alarmed by the incremental cost
Should I add protection against frost?
Table to accessorise
And it’s got to be pine
Fresh from the Malm assembly line
Fills me with dread
How much will I have to pay?
Can I pick up today?
Will it fit through my small doorway?
Unpack the bits
Bracket won’t fit!
Broke the drillbit!
Carpenter’s kit, can’t find it, you clumsy tit!
Don’t want to quit, or admit, I can’t build it!
Flatpack is shit!