How I Wish That I Had A Thigh Gap

Based on Due grosse lacrime bianche, Italy 1969

A normal waistline
This should go well
Take a deep breath in
Hold til I count five

Despite all my tries
The damn pants won’t rise
Above these giant thunder thighs

How I wish that I had a thigh gap
Like all pretty models have
I’d not be self conscious in a mini dress

A curse on you Suzanne Somers
and your ads for the Thigh Master
For making me believe I too
Could look like you

Could’ve worn thigh highs
Woulda looked great in jeans
Wouldn’t have to hold
My thighs while sitting

Tears stream down my face
As it is obvious
Pants will go back up on the shelf

How I wish that I had a thigh gap
Goodbye forever to the chafe
There’d be no more chub rub
To be ashamed of

But maybe there won’t be a thigh gap
Only long hideous dresses
Oh that’s such a cruel life
I might as well die