Based on Slavic Girls (Poland 2014)
Ladies, tone it down.
Ours is a philosophy free from wild desire.
Logic’s perfect harmony is all that we require.
Stoics, sing now: let’s start the show.
Stoics, sing now: not fast, nor slow.
Though our calm demeanour may outwardly seem dour
Constancy of fortitude is our true superpower.
Stoic reserve describes our crew.
Stoics keep their emotions in check.
We partook of the World Cup on TV
(And) The crowd did passionately shout.
It is perplexing to Stoicist thinking
That any creature could feel that aroused.
By the flight of a leather-clad spheroid.
Governed by basic physical laws.
We condemn this pathetic illogic
As the failings of a weak intellect.
You have seen the likes of us in films by Kurasawa.
Standing like a Samurai while others run and cower.
Stoics like us resemble Spock.
Stoics like us don’t give a fuck.
Emperor Aurelius: he is our role model
Keeping all our faces straight since the time of Aristotle.
Stoics like us don’t laugh at jokes
Stoics likes us can’t be provoked.
(26 seconds of just standing there)
Now, we’re not as boring as we seem.
Indeed, we know some wonderful japes,
“Why does a cow ruminate on its feet?”
“It stands to reason.” See, that is a joke.
Screams and hollers are no good.
Even whispering is obscenely rude.
Our pitch is so under control
That everything that we sing sounds like autotune.
We’re Stoic Girls, we know how to do our sacred duty.
Don’t shake what your mama gave you.
We find dancing confusing.
In tune with nature, summer or fall.
Winter or spring, snow or mud.
We’re Stoic girls, we aren’t moved by superficial beauty.
Please hide what your mama gave you.
It is sickness-inducing.
We dress for nature – we’re practical.
G-strings are not Stoical.
Now simmer down, ohhh
Now simmer down.