Alan Sex

Based on Norway 1965

May I tell you all a tale
On a most enormous scale
Of a loser, this guy whose parentals failed an epic fail?

Alan Sex has a name that’s the worst
With this burden he’s angrily cursed
For you would think one could tell
Which comes first: the ‘n’, the ‘l’?
Yet it can be most awkward, you see

Alan’s always been mightily pure
When in bed, so correct and demure
But when you’re Alan Sex
You feel shame when it’s revealed
You’re vanilla in spite of your name

[sexless orchestral break]

‘Alan Sex’ isn’t hard to misspell
Like a show of his passport will tell
When they see his ID
At the border he’s condemned
And he’s banned from the country again

Sad old Alan, a singleton he
Once he conquered an Irish colleen
Yet she soon had a shock
When his surname he did tell
Alan’s ex, Orla, ran for the hills

So I say this one thing:
Take the shit life can bring
For at least you’re not called Alan Sex