Ms. David Lectures Hipsters

Based on Je suis l’enfant soleil, France 1979 (live version)

Gentlemen please have a seat
Pay attention, I will now begin
Telling you what’s wrong with the
Men in their twenties and their thirties

Take a look at what you wore
To today’s lecture, and then tell me
Why you’d wear material so ordinary

From today there’ll be a change
And here’s how it goes
You must trim all of your facial hair
You’re not Neanderthals

I don’t want to see any
Skinny jeans or oversized v -necks
That look is not at all cute
Let’s give it a rest

Cover up all your tattoos
No more retro modern styles of hair
Long on top and shaved in back
and no manbuns, can I be clearer

No tweeting no instagram
You better delete them all right now
I don’t know what else exists
But Linkedin’s OK

No Sriracha, no tofu
from a vegan shack
If I see another mason jar
I’ll break it in yours ass

All shirts need to be buttoned
All the way up to the top no less
Unless you’ve got a hairy chest
Tease me with it a bit

Gentlemen I’ve had my say
Which way you choose now is up to you
Don’t be foolish in your ways
Don’t turn into dumb caricatures

If you only would realize
How foolish you really truly look
We all know full well that soon
You’ll regret this too

Hey young men!
Better cut that shit out!
Hey young men!
Being a poseur’s not hot!
Not hot!
So stop!