Alternative Beauty Contest

Based on Molitva, Serbia 2007

First up is Miss Haiti
Lost once, but clawed her way back up
This glamorous zombie
Speaks out on world hunger, “Brains for everyone!”

Miss Papua New Guinea
The cannibal queen struts on stage next
And eats Miss Djibouti
One judge checks her watch, she’s not impressed

Miss Ireland’s draped in diamonds
An unlikely Rose of Tralee
Her shrieking proves quite pleasing
Take a bow, banshee!

Beauty comes in a world of forms, like our next horror
Tonnes of fun, from the depths of Loch Ness, it’s Miss Scotland
This large lass makes a splash!

And now, a girl who likes to level Tokyo
Miss Japan, don’t make her mad
Or she’ll squish your whole town’s heads because she’s a godzilla

[Miss Greece, a faun, plays the panpipes]

Enugu’s hottest ghoul
Miss Biafra’s next to float in
She’s long dead and not well-fed
Can this old ghost win?

Beauty comes in a world of forms, like our next horror
Miss Denmark, who’s wheeled in in a tank of saltwater
Sparkling scales light up her tail
She must have mugged the Rainbow Fish for this glow

Our last act, the reigning champ
Is the hairy werewolf Miss from… Austria!

The judges shrug, “Who’s good enough?”
They all agree not one outshone the night’s host
Thus I stand bouquet in hand
As they give me the tiara, golden sash and ten grand!

I beat all these monsters?!
I’m honoured :’)